The friend zone does not exist.
Yep, you heard me right. The friend zone is just an excuse for our generation that has become a bunch of scaredy cats who can’t handle real conversations, real relationships and real confrontation. So we have created this entire lingo to pacify ourselves into believing we aren’t scaredy cats who, can no longer have real conversations, build real relationships and tell people what we really want.
Now, I’m a girl and I rarely admit but, I have been guilty of many of these things. Some of the techniques I have perfected to the point of teaching others my ways. I now have a real relationship and frankly I am embarrassed of the game, so I’m blowing the lid right off this scam. Here are my real definitions to words that did not exist (or had completely different meanings) prior my generation.
Old meaning: To actually like a person; “I really like Sam and I think he likes me too!”
New meaning: To like someone’s pictures, status updates or tweets on social media; “It’s getting serious; he liked my last 5 ‘insta’ posts.”
Real meaning: You may have no actual face-to-face contact with this person and fear looking them in the eyes. You have never had a real conversation and hope to build your dream relationship using only your thumbs and your smart phone.
Old meaning: Something typically done with a group of friends involving movies, games, conversation and good times; “I love hanging out with the team, we always have a blast”.
New meaning: A guy and a girl alone together probably at one or the others’ place of residence and one of them is hoping for something physical to transpire; “It’s getting serious, we hung out like five times”.
Real meaning: Courting, dates and meaningful conversations about the future are too much. Hanging out is safe and completely non-committal.
Old meaning: A word used to describe an unidentified object or item that has no real description or unknown description; “What is that thing sitting on the table over there?”
New meaning: A pre-relationship, which may or may not ever actually turn into a real relationship. Again, likely involves making out, ‘hanging out’ and sometimes by college, having sex; “Is that her boyfriend? No they just have a thing”.
Real meaning: Much like hanging out, a ‘thing’ allows you the physical benefits of a relationship without the commitment. It is almost guaranteed that one or both of the people involved in a ‘thing’ that lasts longer than 2 weeks knows, they do not want a real relationship with this person. They will keep the ‘thing’ going until the other person finally gives up or something better comes along. Occasionally the ‘thing’ turns into dating.
Not Looking for Anything Serious
Old meaning: I am not looking for anything serious.
New meaning: I do not want to date you; if someone I do want to date comes along, I will date them and break your heart completely.
Real meaning: I am trying to let you down easy so we can still hang out and I won’t feel guilty about liking other people’s tweets or making out with random people at house parties.
Dating, Dates, a Date
Old meaning: Going to dinner, the movies, a dance or adventure with someone. This is meant to get to know them better and see if you are compatible for a relationship; “You know that cute boy in my class? He asked me on a date”.
New meaning: By the time you get to this point you are already in a relationship, you know everything about each other, have already been physical, it is probably 6 months to a year of knowing the person and finally one or the other party got brave enough or fed up enough to make it ‘official’; “She changed her relationship status on Facebook, I guess they are dating now, it is about time, they have had a ‘thing’ since April”.
Real meaning: Your parents and grandparents will not understand this; do not try to explain. “Well, I don’t understand, isn’t this the boy you have been with all over Facebook the past month your boyfriend? I thought you were dating!?!” “Why don’t you invite her on a date, she seems like a nice girl”.
The Friend Zone
Old meaning: NON-EXISTENT, our generation completely made this up!
New Meaning from a guy’s perspective: I am too much of a scaredy cat to ask this girl to date me. I fear if I tell her how I really feel about her she will reject me. So I’m just gonna hang out here in the abysmal “friend zone.”
New Meaning from a girl’s perspective: I am too much of a scaredy cat to tell him A.) I actually want to be with him or B.) He doesn’t stand a chance and is just around to hold my purse while we shop. He is convenient, I’m gonna keep him in this made-up zone a little longer.
Real meaning: Because we do not go on dates, we don’t make things official, we base our chances of a successful relationships on social media interaction and willingly start and end relationships hunched over a laptop watching Netflix and making out…the creation of terms like the ‘friend zone’ exist. If you don’t find this even a little bit sad there probably is not hope for our children either. It is time to take back the old school meaning of words and create real, lasting and meaningful connections.
Thanks for reading,
Faviana Brand Ambassador
Skylar Witte is a freshman at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, double majoring in Communications Arts Rhetorical Studies and Political Science. She hope to one day pursue a law degree and work as an advocacy lawyer. In her ‘free’ time Skylar is a professional model and aspiring actress, follow her career at www.skylarwitte.com